" They pushed a needle into her heart to try to
save her"
someone told me, assuming a shot of nor epinephrine to revive
her, but she was too far gone.
That is the first thing I saw after
taking a month or so sabbatical from the soup kitchen. I stood there and
all I could think of is " what a waste".
How can anybody just throw
their life away like that?
As I stood in silence for a moment my mind
reflected on something it completely blocked out from 3 years prior. It
was a rainy day and Johnny was slouched over at the table with his half
eaten breakfast on his lap. I usually dont let clients in that are drunk
or high but this guy was always high so I went over just to make sure
he was alright.
" Someone is going to kill me"
is what he said as I woke
him out of his stupor
. Johnny I said, every week you have a new story
why would anyone want to kill you?
He told me some half baked story that
really made no sense to me. I never am comfortable trying to talk to
someone when they are in that condition yet alone when they try to grab
my arm in desperation. I usually try to give some words of advise but I
really did not think he would ever even remember having this
conversation with me and so I moved on to more pressing issues.
The
following week I came in and I was told that Johnny was murdered. I felt
a little numb, a little angry, and very very helpless. I thought what a
waste that this 30 something very good looking intelligent white male
with a 4 year degree was a little more than a report in some police file
with a tag on his toe in the county morgue.
I
thought to myself it is a shame that these types of people end up this
way.
But who are "these types of people?"
Were they also not conceived
with the same breath of God that I was?
Were they not offered choices to
do good or evil as I was?
There are some moments in everyones life when
you stand over a great canyon and just yell at God
" WHY?"
I have seen
people like this too many times live a life of hell and simply die a
meaningless death. But I was also reminded of those that were brought
into the world with less and died a very noble death after living a life
of very difficult choices. In my minds eye I heard a conversation going
on that sounded like this.
Life
is a test.
It tests everyone from the greatest to the smallest and no
one escapes it.
Every little circumstance, every conversation, and every
small event presents a choice that we must make.
" How will I respond"?
That choice, and every choice we make in life from choosing what kind
of dog food to buy to how will I respond to my crying child puts us on a
path.
Every man, woman, and child, chooses the path they are on and
that path ultimately leads them to a destination. Free will in many ways
for me is as difficult to understand as the mysteries of the universe.
Life is not just some random set of events, each of us live life as if
on a stage, the difference is that we can choose our character. That
choice puts us on a path and that path leads to a destination. Villain
or hero, sinner or saint and yet even these black and white titles may
not be that crystal clear.
We often judge by what we see from the
outside but the greatest adventures we live and the greatest battles we
fight are always within the human heart which judgement thank God is in the end,
left to a merciful God.
